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Necessity thy name is compromise
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E-mailMade Popular Jun 27 2009
India :
Do wives really have a large heart? The other day I was seeing Anupam Ahuja on TV defending her husband & pronouncing him innocent without even speaking to him.
She never once said that he did not have sex with her maid all she was saying was that it was not a forced one.So she agreed that there was an affair alright.
As marriage is based on faith such dalliances do gnaw at the base of marriage. Trust is supposed to be very important for the shelf life of marriage.
Similar was the case with Phaneesh Murthy the CEO of I gates where despite Infosys spending millions on an out of court settlement his wife stood by him.
Same with Hillary Clinton the US secretary of state & wife of ex Prez. Bill Clinton.I wonder do wives are really forgiving or other considerations such as children or sticking with a known devil or a belief that the tiger hence forth will become vegetarian.
I really would like to know what is the truth? While we are at this I wonder if husbands will forgive cheating wives? I have my doubts.
Readers pl enlighten. The cat will mew & the dog will have his day.
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I think physical affairs at once are better than emotional attachments that a husband may have with some other woman. Emotional affair has the potential to destroy , ruin the complete marriage.
Physical ones are short - lived and tend to terminate after a course of time as the momentary pleasures get boring.
Interestingly, women tend to have more physical affairs after marriage (if they are not satisfied), and look for emotions earlier. In case of mails, they look for physical affairs before marriage and emotional ones later (and that is why concepts like Office Spouse have come up)... :P :P
Physical ones are short - lived and tend to terminate after a course of time as the momentary pleasures get boring.
Interestingly, women tend to have more physical affairs after marriage (if they are not satisfied), and look for emotions earlier. In case of mails, they look for physical affairs before marriage and emotional ones later (and that is why concepts like Office Spouse have come up)... :P :P
(Global Perspectives)
No, that is just people who are so selfish that they are incapable of loving anyone but themselves.
(Global Perspectives)
Nuya, hi!
Ye, very likely. People who are selfish enough to think only of ” their emotions” and ”their needs” would land up doing affairs like that.. But the young ones don’t find it anything wrong... And I have one interesting question in mind. isn’t it likely that a very loving man likely to end up loving multiple women and having multiple affairs?
Ye, very likely. People who are selfish enough to think only of ” their emotions” and ”their needs” would land up doing affairs like that.. But the young ones don’t find it anything wrong... And I have one interesting question in mind. isn’t it likely that a very loving man likely to end up loving multiple women and having multiple affairs?
(Global Perspectives)
”isn’t it likely that a very loving man likely to end up loving multiple women and having multiple affairs?”
Never...
It is just having sex for the sake of having sex, it has nothing to do with love.
Sex addicts need treatment, they don’t need to be aided and abetted. They are incapable of love and they will forsake everything, including their own children in their insatiable pursuit of sex.
They always end up with their lives in shambles and take down everyone involved with them... like the Prime minister of Italy giving one of his many mistresses a government position.
I notice you didn’t say a very loving woman having multiple affairs... double standard?
Never...
It is just having sex for the sake of having sex, it has nothing to do with love.
Sex addicts need treatment, they don’t need to be aided and abetted. They are incapable of love and they will forsake everything, including their own children in their insatiable pursuit of sex.
They always end up with their lives in shambles and take down everyone involved with them... like the Prime minister of Italy giving one of his many mistresses a government position.
I notice you didn’t say a very loving woman having multiple affairs... double standard?
(Global Perspectives)
”I notice you didn’t say a very loving woman having multiple affairs... double standard?”
haha, I think you are too emotional on the subject of women. Ok, the reason I didn’t mention women was not double standards but women don’t happen to be polyandrous by nature. If a woman is very loving, she will happen to love her man, kids, family where as males happen to be born polygamous by nature.
At least, that is what history of human reveals.
I do see that woman aspire for all things from only one man, whereas a man aspires only one thing from all women! ;) That is what I’ve observed, and this is a personal observation, okay?
Anyways, I always enjoy your commentary and your straight - from - the - gut, logical opinions. Now, it would be interesting for me know the answer from your side on that ”double standard” question, ”a very loving woman having multiple affairs?”
What’s your view? Thanks. :-)
haha, I think you are too emotional on the subject of women. Ok, the reason I didn’t mention women was not double standards but women don’t happen to be polyandrous by nature. If a woman is very loving, she will happen to love her man, kids, family where as males happen to be born polygamous by nature.
At least, that is what history of human reveals.
I do see that woman aspire for all things from only one man, whereas a man aspires only one thing from all women! ;) That is what I’ve observed, and this is a personal observation, okay?
Anyways, I always enjoy your commentary and your straight - from - the - gut, logical opinions. Now, it would be interesting for me know the answer from your side on that ”double standard” question, ”a very loving woman having multiple affairs?”
What’s your view? Thanks. :-)
(Global Perspectives)
”Can a very loving woman having multiple affairs?”
NOPE! Not possible! Again that has nothing to do with love. Lust maybe, money maybe, attention seeking or looking to climb the social ladder, any number of reasons but love in not one of those reasons. They might not be the same reasons as men’s, but they are just as selfish.
NOPE! Not possible! Again that has nothing to do with love. Lust maybe, money maybe, attention seeking or looking to climb the social ladder, any number of reasons but love in not one of those reasons. They might not be the same reasons as men’s, but they are just as selfish.
(Global Perspectives)
I think this is not a question of women forgiving men. The partner who loves the other selflessly will forgive him/her. Yes there are several reasons, I think one strong reason can be that love is blind.
(Local Perspectives)
let us face it it is the necessity to keep the marriage alive
(Local Perspectives)
I think we forgot another individual who is also a woman inviting him to court coz she was unable to forgive or bear with the losses [whether love or monetary].
Why do men go to another woman simply answers a question that something is more attractive, special outside and he is not getting these from the current partner.
Worried wives to protect the marriage and children and due to societal and family pressures accept the husbands. The best way to accept the reality is accepting him with his past errors to save the marriage and be accepted by society than getting blamed for the self-inadequacy to retain the partners.
If this does not work out, the wedlock gets loosened.
Why do men go to another woman simply answers a question that something is more attractive, special outside and he is not getting these from the current partner.
Worried wives to protect the marriage and children and due to societal and family pressures accept the husbands. The best way to accept the reality is accepting him with his past errors to save the marriage and be accepted by society than getting blamed for the self-inadequacy to retain the partners.
If this does not work out, the wedlock gets loosened.
(Local Perspectives)
No, the real question is why they don’t just get a divorce if there is nothing attractive or special or satisfying about his wife?
(Global Perspectives)
Our women have made a mark for themselves in several fields. However when it comes to things like marriage, kids etc. their emancipation immediately becomes null and void. Social pressure many times forces a woman to put up with a husband who never loved her or considered their marriage important. In matters of society we have not yet emancipated our girls.
(Local Perspectives)
I have zero respect for any woman who will stay with a cheating husband.
To stay with a man who doesn’t love or respect you just to get money (or in Hillery Clinton’s case, political power) makes you no better than a prostitute.
Staying with a cheater because of the children is almost criminal! You have children being raised in a house where the mother has no self respect and the father has no respect for the mother or love for the children. The children, both male and female, grow up believing that women do not deserve any respect and it just continues generation after generation.
To stay with a man who doesn’t love or respect you just to get money (or in Hillery Clinton’s case, political power) makes you no better than a prostitute.
Staying with a cheater because of the children is almost criminal! You have children being raised in a house where the mother has no self respect and the father has no respect for the mother or love for the children. The children, both male and female, grow up believing that women do not deserve any respect and it just continues generation after generation.
(Global Perspectives)
I fully endorse your views. All women should come out of their shells and stop supporting the wrong doings of their husbands no matter what the cause be.
(Local Perspectives)
Nuya, I am with you on this. Woman should separate along with children in such a case.
(Global Perspectives)
I doubt that many men ever forgive cheating wives... that whole concept of.. the family honor resides in a vagina.... is still alive and kicking.
(Global Perspectives)
This is wrong please. Your views are getting tilted towards woman slowly.
(Global Perspectives)
I have never understood why people can’t just wait until the divorce is final before they start dating again.
The marriage is over.. they don’t love their spouse or they would have never cheated in the first place....so why do they even want to go back to someone that they hate? And why would you want someone who hates you living in the same house with you? You know if they did it once, they will do it again.. they can never be trusted, who needs that kind of stress?
I also wonder why those people get married in the first place, obviously it had nothing to do with love.
The marriage is over.. they don’t love their spouse or they would have never cheated in the first place....so why do they even want to go back to someone that they hate? And why would you want someone who hates you living in the same house with you? You know if they did it once, they will do it again.. they can never be trusted, who needs that kind of stress?
I also wonder why those people get married in the first place, obviously it had nothing to do with love.
(Global Perspectives)
Nuya, Nice seeing you here. Traditional Indian women respect the marriage values and avoid divorces as best as they can.
Especially when women have siblings at the marriage age, they are more worried about their family status as the girl’s family is scrutinized by the future grooms family in India, which may be true in other countries too to some extent.
The culture is different in each continent and especially unemployed, uneducated women need to abide by what their parents or elders say in the family in Indian society to get her life going on.
On the last note, I felt your family honor remarks could have been in more lighter sense!
Especially when women have siblings at the marriage age, they are more worried about their family status as the girl’s family is scrutinized by the future grooms family in India, which may be true in other countries too to some extent.
The culture is different in each continent and especially unemployed, uneducated women need to abide by what their parents or elders say in the family in Indian society to get her life going on.
On the last note, I felt your family honor remarks could have been in more lighter sense!
(Local Perspectives)
So are you saying that only women respect marriage? How can they avoid divorce when it is their husband that cheats and not them?
Isn’t that an unfair burden to put on women... choose to be miserable the rest of your life, suffer in silence and live a lie so that the neighbors don’t find out that you married a pig????
Get her life going on??? What life? Not her life, someone else’s.
There is nothing funny or light about it, millions of women die because of it and millions more suffer a life time of misery and degradation because of it. If only it were a joke... but unfortunately.. it is not.
Isn’t that an unfair burden to put on women... choose to be miserable the rest of your life, suffer in silence and live a lie so that the neighbors don’t find out that you married a pig????
Get her life going on??? What life? Not her life, someone else’s.
There is nothing funny or light about it, millions of women die because of it and millions more suffer a life time of misery and degradation because of it. If only it were a joke... but unfortunately.. it is not.
(Global Perspectives)
Chastity is applicable to both genders which I agree.
Not all die and those end their lives are not courageous to continue their life post these occurances or separations. We witnessed several who live with their children, stay as single parents, and cherish in their career too.
Not all die and those end their lives are not courageous to continue their life post these occurances or separations. We witnessed several who live with their children, stay as single parents, and cherish in their career too.
(Local Perspectives)
I am not talking about suicide for family honor... I am talking about murder... I am talking about acid attacks... being set on fire etc. a stray glance or a misspoke word is all that is needed to bring on the conflagration in some cases. So my crass statement about where family honor resides was meant to be crass.
If he cheats, she suffers so that her family won’t look bad, if she cheats she may suffer a fate worse than death so what is to keep him from cheating?
If he cheats, she suffers so that her family won’t look bad, if she cheats she may suffer a fate worse than death so what is to keep him from cheating?
(Global Perspectives)
let us face it women are dependent on men financially & men take full advantage of it
i know a case where after having 2 children a man went to his old flame converted in to a muslim & married her
at the same time refused to give divorce to his wife
for the sake of her children she is living with in laws
in another case a relative is living with a mentally retarded husband & has adopted a son
after all a dalliance takes place between a man & women
what of the she in the triangle why she plays the role of a house breaker
or a gay who gets married to a lady
lots of examples
i know a case where after having 2 children a man went to his old flame converted in to a muslim & married her
at the same time refused to give divorce to his wife
for the sake of her children she is living with in laws
in another case a relative is living with a mentally retarded husband & has adopted a son
after all a dalliance takes place between a man & women
what of the she in the triangle why she plays the role of a house breaker
or a gay who gets married to a lady
lots of examples
(Local Perspectives)
I think all these women mentioned above are very weak...
Maybe they all knew about it before the world knew it...and it’s not the first time they are caught..
They could be with them for financial reason...
Or they want their husband to realize that she is the only woman with him when he was in trouble...so that he will be obliged to be with her rest of his life...
Or for the sake of their children..
I personally think... its better they live without father than having such a father who is a shame for the kids...
Maybe they all knew about it before the world knew it...and it’s not the first time they are caught..
They could be with them for financial reason...
Or they want their husband to realize that she is the only woman with him when he was in trouble...so that he will be obliged to be with her rest of his life...
Or for the sake of their children..
I personally think... its better they live without father than having such a father who is a shame for the kids...
(Global Perspectives)
I think they are weak too Maya and I agree kids would be better off without such a negative influence in their lives. I feel truly sorry for any small children involved.
It is my firm belief that ....Kids are young for a very short time and if you are adult enough to decide to have kids, then you should be adult enough realize it is no longer ’your life’ it is their’s as well. After those kids are grown, you have the rest of your life to do what ever you want. If people don’t feel like they are capable of devoting at least 15 years (minimum)of their life to NOT having a ”Social Life” then they shouldn’t have kids.
Apparently, this sounds completely unreasonable to a lot of people judging by the amount of cheating that seems to be taking place.
Maybe men and women are not discussing this before they marry and have children. Of course both would have to agree and it could not be one sided.
What do you think Maya? What kind of advice would give? Or do you think it is just one of those things that defy advice?
It is my firm belief that ....Kids are young for a very short time and if you are adult enough to decide to have kids, then you should be adult enough realize it is no longer ’your life’ it is their’s as well. After those kids are grown, you have the rest of your life to do what ever you want. If people don’t feel like they are capable of devoting at least 15 years (minimum)of their life to NOT having a ”Social Life” then they shouldn’t have kids.
Apparently, this sounds completely unreasonable to a lot of people judging by the amount of cheating that seems to be taking place.
Maybe men and women are not discussing this before they marry and have children. Of course both would have to agree and it could not be one sided.
What do you think Maya? What kind of advice would give? Or do you think it is just one of those things that defy advice?
(Global Perspectives)
I agree with you here 200 percent. The children consider parents as role models at their young age. If they have had to witness the wrong doings of the parents, it registers in their mind and we are ruining the future generation too.
They should not set wrong precedents for the future generation.
They should not set wrong precedents for the future generation.
(Local Perspectives)
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Intellectual relationship is different than physical relationship.